Hi Thor! I'm finally here - sorry that it took a while. I've already told you, honestly, I am very bad with poetry. Therefore I would consider my opinion mostly not valid, but hopefully there will be something in here that helps you.
Generic comments The first impression I got after reading was 'phoenix.' I'm pretty certain that was somewhat of your intention (right?) so good job! I could see its rebirth in my mind very clearly. That is, the imagery you've used here was great. I especially liked the first stanza.
I thought the title was appropriate for this piece, since it quite literally mirrors what happens. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, isn't that how it goes?
Subject of poem I do think this subject has become a bit cliche (but then again, what hasn't these days?). There's not really anything new you've added to it. I would've loved to see an original take on the concept of rebirth and what you've called the circle of life. This poem seemed a bit generic to me.
Execution of poem This might just be me, but I cannot envision how this would be a song. I'm assuming it'd be a song because of the category it's in. There's no visible distinction between verse and chorus. I'm not saying you should simply repeat a stanza 3 times and call it a chorus, but maybe if you added more structure I could begin to see this as a song.
The final line seems to add a gloomy or perhaps eerie feel to what otherwise would've given me the impression of a positive poem. I'm not quite sure if that's what you were going for, but I liked it! It reminded me that not everything is permanent, that bad things will thankfully end but that the same goes for good and nice things.
As for the final three strophes, I feel as if the point to the entire poem is hidden in here. To me, the meaning was this: no matter how terrible or beautiful life seems, in the end, life is nothing but an endless cycle. Somehow, I feel like everything before that could be shortened to get to the point. As in, the rebirth could be described with less words and still give the reader the same idea.
I couldn't really feel the flow here, if you could call it that. I tried reading it out loud. The line breaks sound a bit unnatural and forced. You've cut off sentences at places so that the next line usually becomes a stand-alone sentence, even if an entire stanza is just one sentence. Did that make any sense?
Grammar, spelling, style etc. The ash is that where we all have our end Now this part seemed a little bit choppy to me. Perhaps you could try 'there' instead of 'that?'
Just a tiny thing: in the fifth stanza it should be 'its' instead of 'it's' because it indicates possesion.
Overview All in all I think that you have a good base here, but I feel like it needs more shaping. The stanzas are irregular and I had problems finding a logical way through them. It feels to me as if there's a lesson in the poem, but I can't through to get to it. I think it could be modified to express the initial idea of the poem in a clearer way.
Well, that's all I can say about this. I'm honestly sorry for my words and I hope you haven't been offended by anything I've said. People have different opinions and I'm sure others would give an entirely different critique. Please remember that nothing I've said is aimed at you as a person, only at this particular piece. And as always, feel free to disagree with me.
Another random topic or is there something behind this inspiration?
I really like it! It's incredibly descriptive, in a good way. It's so... true.. too. Great word choice. Of course that's always important in poetry, or any kind of writing for that matter, but I think your word choice really made this poem great. I don't have any complaints, but even if I did they'd be pretty inconsequential seeing how 1) this is good as it is and 2) I'm not exactly a poet myself. Anyway, nicely done. I like it
Wow you should be pleased with this! I kind of got this eerie feel at some points, but it's so... calming to read. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I really love this. I like your use of repetition and I think it flows well. ^^ Well done!
are inspired by
novels, and other
forms of media. They
engage our minds
with a variety of
Fan fiction authors
are so enamored with
these other worlds
:Krzysztof is a
from Poland. His
technique is heavily
influenced by the
is his inspiration.
He classifies his
works as surrealism
or "magic realism"
and his works are
FREE OC PONY
REQUESTS!!! Since im
sorta board right
now I will be doing
-optional -not aloud
-mandatory -if you
can, tip me? in my
donation? -if u give
any number of points
even 1 ur request
will be one of the
-llama? - gore,
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